Suicide, A Highway To Hell?

I try not to do too personal posts with every single detail.

Today’s post is a little different from what I usually do.

I need a little help here. Feel free to share in the comment section.

After the fight with my parents last night, I have been thinking and considering my circumstances, wondering if God would forgive me if decided to choose suicide.

Last night it sinked in more that my parents only believe each other.

My dad never believes me and only sides my mother. He thinks he sees it all and is no different from a pagan prayer leader. If you heard the words that came out of his mouth last night you would be surprised.

One of the things he said,

You’re already 26 I don’t know why you still haven’t got over your hurts.”

I wonder if he would say that to his prayer group members with their own share of hurts.

Last night, he fucked it all up even more.

Last night was the last straw. I didn’t expect that but I felt it in my heart. I truly regret stepping into that wretched church retreat place. Last night, the parts of whatever was remaining of my will to live left me.

I am thinking if I should place that bet on my soul. I am miserable enough here, I do not wish to go to hell and be miserable for eternity. I’ve only got one shot at ending my life and I want to be damn sure of the consequences before I take that step.

Whether or not I go to heaven, I do not know.

And what about my sister? Does she deserve this?

I hope that when I make my decision she would understand me no matter what.

If God would tell me that not everyone who ends their own life will go to hell, then I would take that shot and place my bet.

Do people who commit suicide take a highway to hell?

Theological views and guesses are welcome. Personal opinions, not so much. Please provide biblical facts or factual basis to your comment.

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21 thoughts on “Suicide, A Highway To Hell?

  1. This is a tough question to answer. I am not great at theological views and do believe that people who commit suicide don’t get to heaven. If you look at it from a logical point of view taking your own life, in God’s eyes I think that would be a bad thing. The reason that I say this is my own experience. I should have died in 2010. I took enough of my medication to kill two people, not my words my doctors. Yet here I am, having this conversation. The other point is a person my opinion, but I have to say it. Suicide isn’t the answer. I am sure you know my point of view given that you asked my opinion. You give a reason your sister, and family like your sister gets the short end of the stick. She will have to live with what you plan on doing. I hope that it doesn’t come to that, I think suicide is a one way ticket downstairs.

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    • Yeah, I attempted suicide too but I don’t want to attempt again. If I’m gonna do it I just want to be sure. I always read your posts and see how you’re getting on now though you still struggle too. I think last night was unexpectedly the last straw for me. Yeah, it wouldn’t be fair to my sister at all. Thank you for sharing, I just can’t seem to clear or rid my head. Thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it. xo

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  2. I am grateful that it is said or that Christians believe that if a person commits suicide there is that chance of going to hell. The reason I am grateful for that belief if because of the “what if’s”. The “what if” this were true always resonated with me enough to make me feel that I could bare the hell that I was going through without committing suicide because of the chance that if it were true and my not wanting to end up in hell would always trump the benefit of completing suicide. As far as my own personal belief s I’ve developed over time the tend to lean towards the same belief Einstein had in “Spinoza’s God” God ubiquitous with Nature but there will alway be that “what if” in my mind’s eye for that I am grateful.

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    • Yes, the “what if” is what’s been holding me back too, because no one has committed suicide and came back to life to tell us a definite yes or no that we would go up or down forever. Very frustrating at times. Though I feel so strongly abt doing it, it also takes a lot to hang on to the “what if” and not decide to just heck it all and go. Thank you for taking the time to share this and type. xo

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  3. The only way a person goes to hell is if they die in a state of grave sin. Killing a human (self defense aside) is a grave sin, even if that human is yourself. For what it’s worth, I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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  4. It’s normal to have suicidal thoughts; I’ve had them myself. Still, I am deeply saddened to hear suicide has become such a potent option for you. Based on your posts, it seems you have strong faith in God. When in a state of deep depression it doesn’t seem true, but He does not test us with more than we can handle (Corinthians 10:13). Some of our biggest growth comes from the darkest times. Although your father’s words are hurtful, they are just words. You don’t have to own them.

    Those left behind pay a heavy price, so I am not an advocate for suicide, but the bottom line is God gives us free will to make choices. I doubt I’m alone in wanting you to stay and find alternatives (move away from your parents, enlist your sister’s help, talk to a minister, etc). I trust you will reach the decision that is best for you and one only you can make.

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    • Hey, thank you for taking the time to read and type your comment. I have never thought of myself as someone with a strong faith, I am far from that. I only try to take each day at a time. However, it seems that the older I grow, the bigger my hurts grow along too. Hmm..

      I used to believe and sort of preach that too, that He would never give us too much we can handle, but that was before I was tested with a bizarre sickness that leaves doctors baffled also. In fact, for the first 2 years with this, I have already been pushed way past my limit. I was in fact, very rudely shocked too with that realisation and have spent the entire of this year trying to accept that maybe sometimes God does let you get pushed past what you can handle. For whatever reasons, I chose to take it as positively as I could. Believe me when I say, you have never been tested past your limit on the verge of insanity if one can stick to that believe of God not giving you too much you can handle. I have stared and contemplated on that verse in disbelief when it happened to me.

      “Although your father’s words are hurtful, they are just words. You don’t have to own them.”
      This is great advice, thank you for this :) I will do my best to practice the ‘sticks and bones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ saying.

      Once again, thank you for taking the time to give me more to consider rationally.

      xo

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  5. I am sorry you are feeling this way. All I can say is that the thoughts you are having are lies planted in your head. They are not from God. Read Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalm 139. You are loved & special. God has amazing plans for you. Fight through this season for it is only a season. Choose life & freedom. The world needs you. We need you. I have been where you are and I chose life. I am always here to talk to you – Stephen ❤️🙏🏻

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    • Hello Stephen, I will check out the verses in my prayer time later on. Thank you for that. Indeed I have been here too many times, it only seems that each time these thoughts come now (though less frequent compared to my teen years) they are only stronger and worse than ever as the years go by. It is mounting and piling up. Which is why I have asked for comments, to help me think rationally before coming to a decision. Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to read and type this. xo

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  6. Oh Faith, I am very sorry to read these words. You’ll have to forgive me, but I’m going to share some biblical opinion right now:

    My firm conviction is that you want to live, no matter what you have written in this blog post. Despite the pain and the profound of grief that is residing within you now, you want to live, and the Lord wants you to do so, too!

    So CHOOSE LIFE, my friend. Ultimately, it is a choice, though.

    I will be praying for you. 💛✝️

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    • Hello love, thank you for making time to read and comment. I guess you can say that I am still searching for the meaning of life, and each time these thoughts come they seem to get harder over the years as if rounding up to a bigger snowball each time.

      You might be referring to the basic survival instincts of a human who is trying to live in this horrible world. Indeed, maybe a little bit of it is still there. For one who cannot seem to receive support from one’s parents however is very tough. I do not understand why they cannot understand me and always react very quickly as if having already labelled me as ‘just simply wanting to be rebellious’, like in my teenage years.

      Thank you for your input in helping me decide on a rational decision. All the comments here will be taken very seriously in consideration.

      Always enjoy conversations with you. :) Thanks for taking the time to stop by.

      xo

      Liked by 1 person

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