I try not to do too personal posts with every single detail.
Today’s post is a little different from what I usually do.
I need a little help here. Feel free to share in the comment section.
After the fight with my parents last night, I have been thinking and considering my circumstances, wondering if God would forgive me if decided to choose suicide.
Last night it sinked in more that my parents only believe each other.
My dad never believes me and only sides my mother. He thinks he sees it all and is no different from a pagan prayer leader. If you heard the words that came out of his mouth last night you would be surprised.
One of the things he said,
“You’re already 26 I don’t know why you still haven’t got over your hurts.”
I wonder if he would say that to his prayer group members with their own share of hurts.
Last night, he fucked it all up even more.
Last night was the last straw. I didn’t expect that but I felt it in my heart. I truly regret stepping into that wretched church retreat place. Last night, the parts of whatever was remaining of my will to live left me.
I am thinking if I should place that bet on my soul. I am miserable enough here, I do not wish to go to hell and be miserable for eternity. I’ve only got one shot at ending my life and I want to be damn sure of the consequences before I take that step.
Whether or not I go to heaven, I do not know.
And what about my sister? Does she deserve this?
I hope that when I make my decision she would understand me no matter what.
If God would tell me that not everyone who ends their own life will go to hell, then I would take that shot and place my bet.
Do people who commit suicide take a highway to hell?
Theological views and guesses are welcome. Personal opinions, not so much. Please provide biblical facts or factual basis to your comment.