My apologies for the lack of blog updates as I have been recovering from surgery. Just a short post today on updates:
1 – I went for a surgery to stretch my bladder out so that I could hold more fluid. Since 2012, on worst days I urinate 3 times in 5 minutes. Insane right? So insane AND embarrassing especially when the janitor looks at you all weird, running in and out. I’ve had countless times getting off the bus desperately looking for a washroom and have ran into private condominiums literally begging the security person to let me in to use the pool’s toilet. Then, just when I get on the bus again, my urgency hits FULL. You can imagine how this has disrupted my sleep over the many years (and I already suffer from insomnia). I can get up up to 5-6 times in an hour to urinate. Yes, even the doctor doesn’t know where the fluid comes from! At my first visit, after an ultrasound scan, it showed that I had 10ml of urine inside my bladder (after having to run to the washroom 3 times in a 45min appointment) but when I went to relieve myself again, so much more came out! So yes, I am always dehydrated and a sip of water or small cup of water can set me off for hours. Imagine what alcohol could do when I used to party??? I spend almost all of the party night in queues for the toilet. Or tea?
2 – During the surgery he also dilated my urethra so that my pee can come out easier. I always have trouble with that. I could be so urgent that I leak (!) but it takes forever to relieve myself and I always have to push. Which is really bad according to the doctor and could cause more problems.
Picture of my inflamed bladder. Bulging veins and red spots (bleeding spots)
After stretching out the muscles so much, I started bleeding so heavily my doctor could not see anything. (See bottom left picture)
3 – After the surgery, I bled unusually for 9 hours straight through a catheter. It finally stopped and I was able to go home with medications. For almost a week it has been so excruciatingly painful to urinate. If I must graphically describe it (ladies might understand this more), it feels like someone sliding a knife up and down vigorously when your pee is trying to get out! And it burns, oh HELL IT BURNS, then the sharp pain travels all the way up to your belly button but you can’t crouch because then the flow will stop and you’d have to push.
So I’ve been taking medications and just waiting for the pain that is caused due to the intrusion of the surgery to stop. Things seemed better and the pain was fading off very slowly. Until…
I woke up in the middle of the night to urinate and…. I couldn’t. Yup. I could not urinate despite being so urgent. It was very painful due to the increasing pressure. Imagine being so urgent but unable let it out? I had to call my doctor’s emergency line and he advised me to use a hot water bottle to relax my muscles and continue to monitor the situation. Now I am able to urinate a little but, only for 2-3 SECONDS. Then it stops. My muscles just contract and I can’t release anymore. So I’m walking around with probably a half or slightly more than half full bladder and I can’t do anything about it.
The hot water bottle helped a little but… I was bleeding like crazy. Pure red blood. Like how it was through the catheter. I already stopped bleeding but it has begun again. Doctor says this is unusual and it could be debris or clots obstructing my urethra. Or it could be a muscle issue. (Yay to new issues).
So as I was going back and forth in attempts to empty my bladder from 4.30am to sunrise and now, late afternoon, take a guess at what happened.
My vertigo set off. *applause* It set off as I kept moving from lying down to turning on my side to going to the toilet to try and relieve more because the pressure was killing me. What a time to be alive. I spent over 6 hours spinning while holding pee that I’m unable to release. Amazing.
Now the vertigo has settled and I’m just my regular dizzy. Doctor says to try to drink a bit more water to see if it loosens the clots and I’ll be seeing him tomorrow for scans.
I prayed hard that I wouldn’t have to be rushed to Emergency where they would have to put the catheter in me again which is insanely painful and I’m praying that wouldn’t happen still. Thank you Jesus for not allowing that to happen while my vertigo set off.
Till next time, thanks for reading. To those who are suffering, hang in there. When we go all the way down the only thing we can do is bounce back up.
“Happiness is good for the soul, but sorrow strengthens the soul”
Be kind to one another,
Tweet me @Godvsdepression