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PS: For new visitors, I encourage you to read from my first post as my posts are usually continuations. First post here: https://godvsdepression.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/depression-really/
Today marks the end of the second week of Advent. Advent is a time of preparation, to light our lamps with a stronger flame awaiting with even more hope – the coming of the Lord. The Latin term of Advent means “coming”.
But what is Advent for someone like myself? Someone whom doctors are unable to figure out the problem, the cause of the illness? To try to live and manage this for the rest of my life? A bleak future?
I had a great week after the chinese physician visited me again and realigned my neck and shoulder. (If only he could realign my life. Haha. Joke, just a joke.) I went out for dinner, met friends, did some shopping. Until last night as I laid my head down looking forward to a restful slumber (which I hardly get), my very own amusement park ride began again. Spin, spin, spin. And here I am this day, dizzy, groggy, nausea, headache. Splendid. I stopped myself from declining down into eternal languish and instead turned to the Lord the moment I draggled myself out of my shit-hole.
Me: “Lord, my faith is in you. In the name of Jesus, I renounce vertigo, imbalance and the attempted work of the devil on me disparaging my spirit”
God: “The one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.” -Phil 1: 6
(which was the second reading of the day)
Now, what is this “good work” that God has done? How is this “good work” when I still have days where my head tries to spin off? Okay, don’t be ungrateful, you just had a pretty good week. And at least you can eat and walk better now. How many voices can one have in a single mind?
This “work” that God has done is our salvation. *CLICK* That was it. My answer. My chronic vertigo has forcefully (not in a bad way) removed me from my sinful lifestyle and acquaintances, habits etc, and also from people who gave me so much emotional stress. THAT is my salvation. Despite me being ill and feeling utterly useless and a burden, I failed to see that the Lord has already begun his work on me from the day my vertigo started. Amazing.
‘Reflect on the idea of God inflicting quick punishment as a mercy rather than waiting until our sins have reached “full measure”.’
I mentioned that in one of my previous posts. God always finishes what he starts. He will never leave us. With this illness, Advent and Christmas has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Christmas always meant something to me, but never anything like that after this mind-altering realisation. The birth of Jesus is coming again, the rebirth of souls, salvation through repentance. HEALING.
I shall most definitely await for the coming of my saviour again. My best friend, my best comforter. I am so honoured to be able to share in his suffering because I know that he will heal me and make me stronger than before, firmer in my faith, building me on rocks and not sand to go out and share his truth. How can this seemingly impossible illness continually increase my peace, understanding and knowledge of his love? Knowledge of the truth to what life really is? Attempting to explain this revelation of the level of love from the Almighty Father would definitely deem me inarticulate.
“I am the Lord, God Almighty. Creator of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen..”
The doctors can’t see the cause of my illness, but God can. He sees the unseen. I hope I have shared some of God’s hope with you in this beautiful season. Await with joy. Let your soul rejoice.
“..those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy” – Psalm 126:5
And thus, I shall end with these beautiful lyrics that popped in my head as the Lord sang to me in my heart while I ended my reflection and prayer.
When waters rise all around me/
When mountains stand in the path I see/
I look to love that’s unfailing/
I look to grace that is all I need/
Strong through every trial/
Faithful through the night/
Our God will never fail/
‘You Never Fail’, Hillsong
You were chosen for this suffering – any kind that you are going through. We may never understand it, just like how we will never understand why innocent children in Syria are getting bombed to death. All we know is that suffering is for the redemption of souls. If not ours, someone else’s. Keep going, keep hoping, Christmas is coming, our Lord is here to save.
(How can I even look at the computer screen typing this at this intensity of dizziness? It is not the first time and it always baffles me. In a good way. Nothing is impossible for God.)
“I was pushed hard, so that I was falling, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my might; he has become my salvation. – Psalm 118: 13-14
Be kind to one another,
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