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PS: For new visitors, I encourage you to read from my first post as my posts are usually continuations. First post here: https://godvsdepression.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/depression-really/
After a measly amount of sleep last night, I awoke at 3am to my ever active bladder. (How many health issues can one actually have?). Falling asleep was simply a fantasy after. I was wide awake, fully conscious of my dizziness and bodily pains, not to mention a super uncomfortable and bloated bladder. Not too long after.. *knock knock* Guess who came by for a visit again?
satan. (Do note that I do not capitalise his name as he is not worthy)
Anger and frustration rushed in like hot molten lava, anxiety like the thick black smoke that accompanies it. I thought of how my life was before the accident, how angry I was at the people who did this to me. A stupid, childish prank due to immaturity when they clearly knew I had an existing spine condition. The harsh, insensitive words that could still come out of their lips afterward up till today. Anger, anger, anger. My blood started to rush, heavy breathing, eczema on my skin became so itchy. My body longing to toss and turn from the boiling point but my vertigo didn’t allow it. It rose steadily. And then something clicked.
“Why am I allowing satan to feed this? After all I’ve read, after choosing to be strong through Christ, here I am letting this fallen angel play with me like a puppet? He is NOT my puppet master.”
I twirled my rosary around my hand. “Lord Jesus, I can’t seem to calm down on my own. HELP ME. Mother Mary, cover me with your mantle of protection, intercede for me. HELP ME. St Michael the Archangel, shield me from the snares of the devil. HELP ME. JESUS, JESUS, JESUS”
Guess what? The emotions stopped IMMEDIATELY. Peace flooded in. IMMEDIATELY. I am not kidding. Words are POWERFUL. They are one of the many gifts from God.
Now, the greatest mistake we can make is to shy away from the topic of satan. satan is REAL. His greatest weapon against us is our ignorance. We should not shy away from our enemy because the greater you know your enemy and his strategies the better you can fight him. The entire bible is about Jesus teaching us to guard our hearts and to know the truth in the light so that when the prince of darkness and father of lies appears we would know how to fight him. Unfortunately, we do not have a choice. We have to fight his battle with satan because he will never stop being hot on our tracks. He knows that when Jesus comes again, he would perish forever. That is why he is desperately seeking the ruin of souls and he knows exactly when to come in to deceive us.
A personal example would be in sickness. The weaker we are in the body, the more prone to fear we are. Fear of the future, fear of the pains and discomfort we feel. And this fear feeds unhealthy emotions. Sometimes satan too deceives us into thinking that our problems (physical, emotional, mental) are our crosses sent to us by Christ. Which is absolutely untrue.
“Rise up O Lord, confront them, overthrow them! By your sword deliver my life from the wicked” – Psalm 17:13
Fear is given to us by God as anger is too, but satan being the conniving and wicked being he is always twists and turns our gifts into something bad. Just like how the gift of words are life-giving and yet when used to curse something or someone, it can have disastrous effects on that being and even their entire family line. So why not learn to use the gift of words from God in situations like this that I was in last night? Upon invoking the Holy Spirit in Jesus’ name with faith and belief, it CAN BE DONE. Even when you are too weak in that moment to say a proper prayer. “HELP ME JESUS” is more than sufficient.
God will never send us to work or battle without tools. We need to learn to use them and the only way to do so is prayer and to delve in scripture. Life begins once Jesus is the reason you live it. I never knew how awesome this could be until I lost everything and now all I have is Jesus. That is more than enough and everything I need. ALL I HAVE IS JESUS.
There is no point in me dwelling in the events that happened or the people that have hurt me, left me, betrayed me etc though it is extremely difficult, and all those people whom I really loved and I thought loved me left me at my most crucial time. At the point where I lost everything. They have no idea how much they have destroyed me inside. NO CLUE. It is imperceptible and impossible to describe. They have made me give up on humanity as a whole. However, I really want to move on and I told Jesus to drag me along if He has to even go to that extreme. Drag me out of this on the days where I have no strength to even lift a toe.
Suffering is the greatest teacher.
Therefore, if you are in a similar situation please do not give up. Do not give in to the devil. That would be atrocious. Foolish. God WILL HEAL us in His time that is already appointed. Claim your healing every second, every minute. FIGHT ON. *Kung-Fu moves*
“In your hand are power and might; and it is in your hand to make great and give strength to all” – 1 Chronicles 29:12
Be kind to one another,
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