(Please see About for the purpose of this blog)
PS: For new visitors, I encourage you to read from my first post as my posts are usually continuations. First post here: https://godvsdepression.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/depression-really/
As they always say ‘Children are the future’ (Who’s they anyway?). With the increasing demand for prematurely preparing children before they even enter kindergarten, the word ‘childhood’ merely seems like a fantasy. Even before a child’s motor or speech skills are fully developed, they are thrown into class after class. With my few years of experience working with children and also children with special needs, I see the vast difference in a child who has just 1-2 supplementary classes compared to another who has 5. (Piano, Ballet, Writing, Swimming etc..). This leaves barely any time for a parent to sit down and observe/bond with their child anymore.
With that said, it was in my post-teenage years that I started to wonder if I had an attention issue. My mother used to cane me very much. She said I always ‘daydreamed’, even when I was eating with no distractions I would keep food in my mouth and just space out. I basically had a cane attached to me like a dog on a leash throughout my childhood. It’s the first thing that comes to mind whenever someone asks me about my early years in life. If you read some of my previous posts, I was diagnosed with depression in my teens.
Before I became ill since my accident last year, I worked with children with many different struggles. Autism, Aspergers, ADHD, Dyslexia, Selective Mutism etc. It was almost like a moment of epiphany when I recognised the exact same struggles I had as a kid as I witnessed how my students with Attention Disorders struggled. ADHD takes on/manifests in many different forms. Some space out, some have what I call explosive spasms of the body/speech which can result in them hurting themselves or others involuntarily, impulsivity and then realising the consequence of the action after, uncontrollable emotions/temper etc. I guess mine wasn’t the obvious or visible kind as I was not hyperactive visually. I now know that the hyperactivity for myself is mostly in my head. I will get more to that later.
Some facts about ADHD and how it can cumulate Anxiety and Depression in later years:
- 40% of children and teens with ADHD have a co-occurring disorder of Oppositional Defiance Disorder, 21.6% have minor depression (dysthymia) and 15.2% have an anxiety disorder
- Studies of adults with ADHD have found co-occurring alcohol abuse disorders at rates ranging from 17% to 45% and drug abuse or dependence at rates ranging from 9% to 30%
- Studies have shown that people with ADHD are more likely to develop a substance abuse problem at a younger age, more likely to require lifetime substance abuse treatment and more likely to develop protracted substance abuse problems throughout life.
You may research more about it yourself as there are many factors involved. I am only sharing how it affects me. These are some symptoms of ADHD:
- A lack of focus
- Thrill seeking
- Day dreaming
- Unusual sleep patterns
In many cases like mine, parents in the past were not familiar or educated with the term ADHD as it is in present time. Mine went unnoticed and misunderstood as laziness, daydreaming, naughtiness. As I grew older, these symptoms evolved into something much more serious coupled with my unfortunate emotional hurts mostly from peers as I grew up which led to my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder – wherein depression is a symptom. It’s imperceptibly complicated but this is my best attempt to describe it without going into too much details as it is always a different case for each ‘sufferer’.
With my ever present chronic vertigo, I feel like a bird in cage, a whale in a tank, a lion in shackles. (Hahaha) It is extreme, what I feel. From someone who had such an active job and life succumbed to this pathetic and immobile state of being. It is absolutely appalling and abhorring to me. I simply cannot stand it, being inactive and therefore my idle mind has more time to increase in hyperactive thoughts which eat me alive from the inside especially when I lay my head down in attempt to sleep. Having this illness as an ADHD, BPD and PTSD sufferer I feel like I’m in a constant straight jacket. See also: Bored out of my eyeballs.
However, receiving this accurate diagnosis only of late, it has not made me feel any different or think negatively of myself. Instead, it has made me understand myself so much more and how I used to behave and react to things in the past. With my faith, I know that God is healing and changing something in me. Impulsivity will be gone the more I open up to him and gain in wisdom *assumes meditative pose*.
Therefore, be patient and compassionate with everyone for you never know what a person is going through. You can’t always see it.
“My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” – Col 2:2-3
Be kind to one another,
Tweet me @Godvsdepression