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PS: For new visitors, I encourage you to read from my first post as my posts are usually continuations. First post here: https://godvsdepression.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/depression-really/
So I mentioned briefly in my previous post, a retired chinese physician came to visit my home and we found out that the impact of the accident I had in Apr 2014 shifted my alignment thus causing my neck and right shoulder to be resting on some nerves, causing my vertigo. Also, my ‘Qi’ (meaning: energy) is not good and all over the place due to emotional stress (PTSD) and inactivity. I am in the process of recovery now and my vertigo seems to be getting so much better! (so much for MRIs and CAT scans, modern technology huh?)
Continuing my unceasing questions to God in prayer, he reveals to me why and how everything happened. Let’s look at the pattern of Israel in the Old Testament:
Israel is taught the commandments of God -> At some point they do not obey -> God punishes Israel. -> Israel becomes aware that they are being punished for their transgressions, so they repent and cry for God’s mercy. -> Israel is then forgiven and the punishment withdrawn.
This vertigo has forced me to a halt in my life. My once supremely active, non-stop life but I thank God for allowing this to happen. It is not a punishment from God but a consequence of my actions/sins. I chose to be ignorant to the many things I did, I rejected my conscience. Did God punish me? No, God does not punish. God only wants to bring us blessings. Here’s what Moses said:
“If you obey the commandments of the Lord, your God…. will bless you in the land you are entering to occupy” – Deuteronomy 30:16
but if the people refuse to obey the commandments of God,
“I tell you now that you will certainly perish;…” -Deuteronomy 30:18
Note that Moses says if we obey, God will be the one blessing us, but in verse 18, if we don’t obey we would perish by the choices of our own hands, our own sins. He does not say that God will cause us to perish.
Suffering is good, it allows repentance and repentance is healing. If we want to heal from our hurts and live a bountiful eternally happy life that God promised us, we must repent quickly. Repentance brings about such reflection on ourselves, the purpose of our lives.
“You have made known to me the ways of life” – Acts 2:28
God is only trying to discipline me, I am an epitome of a stubborn child if I may say so and God was only trying to correct me before I walk into another series of mishaps until the day where the demons of darkness comes to chauffeur me back to eternal misery. Fraternal correction helps us grow in self-knowledge and virtue. If he would have sent this chinese physician to me earlier, I would not have so intensely and desperately begged for his compassion and implored his mercy upon me. I would not have realised the seriousness and foolishness of my mistakes. And if he healed me earlier on, I would have bounced and dived right back into my past lifestyle. He is sending his healing now because he knows I’m ready, I’m repentant and I condemn the atrociousness of my past ways.
“…Do you not realise that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” – Romans 2:4
Let’s take a look at our forefather, Abraham. His faith and trust in God to the extremity of sacrificing his only son after God finally granted him one as his wife Sarah, was barren before, is truly commendable. He trusted God SO INCREDIBLY MUCH. How can a mere human be so trusting?
“No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, being fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.” – Romans 4: 20-21
Abraham trusted God’s promise to him though it took a long time to be fulfilled and even though there were times when it seemed completely unlikely. God promised me too that he would heal my vertigo. And if you’ve read some of my previous posts, there were days where I wanted to give up, that I doubted if God was really that compassionate and merciful.
Through this experience, I have learnt faith. Blind faith. Depend on faith and not what we can see. Sometimes when God is silent it does not mean he isn’t listening, he’s only telling you to be patient. One of the greatest virtues (which I absolutely lack).
Now if anyone of you out there wishes to end your life because of any type of suffering you are in. Bodily, spiritually or mentally, keep going. Persevere. There is an end to this. Ask God to reveal his purpose of your suffering. When it is over, your blessing will be triple of your suffering because you chose to overcome it by receiving God’s graces.
“..until what he had said had come to pass, the word of the Lord kept testing him” – Psalm 105:19
Show God that you are repentant. That you are worthy of his love, to be his disciple. Do you see how BLESSED you are to be chosen to suffer? Suffer in the name of Christ and not only will your soul be saved but many others. Redemptive suffering.
Stay strong you out there, keep going.
Be kind to one another,
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