Depression (4)

(Please see About for the purpose of this blog)


PS: For new visitors, I encourage you to read from my first post as my posts are usually continuations. First post here: https://godvsdepression.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/depression-really/

(continued from previous post: Depression (3))

I went back to school emptier than I already was before. Everyone was different toward me too. My best friend had already found another new BFF and didn’t know how to break it to me, but I already knew. People didn’t know how to react or ‘handle’ me. They all saw me as a fragile little puppy and also made innuendoes that I was attention seeking or simply, crazy. Anyway I managed to graduate Secondary (High) school really well with the fact that I never studied. I went on to become a hairdresser along with my junkie boyfriend and eventually ended up in a private school to get my Diploma in Mass Communications – one of my cousin suggested that I may like it and I did.

I dated a guy there and somehow rumours circulated that I was pregnant, caught STD from him etc.. Absurd. Then our entire clique of friends (almost half the class) began to ostracise me too, until they realised in the end that he was the jerk. So my whole life went about that way. Constant rejection. Why? Hmmm. We’ll get to that part later on.

I tried to find my place in the world as I emerged out of my teens. I took on lots of jobs – waitress, telemarketer, personal assistant, designer for a printing company, event host/coordinator etc.. I was pretty good at all of it, always got compliments or good feedback somehow, but something was still missing in me. I smoked even more, drank harder, partied till dawn and went straight to work after. I had green hair, red, blue, purple, pink. Total mess. Unsound. Discombobulated. Depression and suicidal thoughts always lingered, like my very own personal rain cloud.

My dad always told me there is nothing wrong with my career path. I now see that it really is God’s grace throughout. It is the other side of my life that’s always in and out of the pit. Could it be the fact that I dabbled with black magic when I was younger? That ‘portal’ could have most likely been opened by moi and unknowingly set a foot-hole for the devil to jump right in.

// Somehow I can’t seem to continue this post anymore. My life got increasingly more complicated and I can’t seem to revisit it right now as it was such a dark period in my life. Maybe I’ll be able to continue another time.

Anyone have any suggestions on what you would like me to blog about? I am most willing to share.

Before disaster the heart is haughty, but before honour is humility” – Proverbs 18:12

Be kind to one another,

xo, Faith

Tweet me @Godvsdepression

https://twitter.com/godvsdepression

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