God – Not What I Thought

Today, my eyes popped open after what seemed to be an eternal replay.

Last night, the same nightmare of all who have left me behind, turned and walked away from me came stronger than usual.

 

Today, I awoke with you in my eyes. Of the night you left me though I begged you not to say bye. You walked away from me. You left me in tears. You gave up. You left me for her, all because I got sick. What happened to the countless times you begged me to stay through your tears and I did?

At my first meal today, my stomach churned as I held back my vomit. With each bite I took, my chest tightened, my heart ached, my eyes dulled by the minute.

Today, again, no surprise for the wish of death.

 

What does 2018 mean to me. The beginning of the fourth year of this dizziness that has latched on to me.

Vertigo. Vertigo. Vertigo that won’t go.

People come, people go, then people go, go and go.

 

You’re already 26 I don’t know why you still haven’t got over your hurts

It’s been 2 years since he left you for her, why do you still have nightmares? Why are you still hurt?

Give people a chance. You’re a one way street to dead end.

 

But… if the people never came what chance is there to give?

Did Jesus teach the sick to reach out to the abled or did Jesus teach the abled to reach out to the sick?

It seems like to be the former.

I’m the one who’s sick but it’s my fault that I didn’t reach out to those who left me.

This world, is insane.

My sanity keeps getting poured on by the rain of these insensitive words.

My being, not much longer till I can hold out.

 

But, what about my sister when I leave? What will happen to her?

 

God, my prayers have come to naught. You are not as merciful as I thought.

Loving? Far from reality.

 

 

 

Be kind to one another,

xo, Faith

Tweet me @Godvsdepression

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